“Do you have anything to say before I pass judgement?” asked the judge.
“Yes, your honour,” said the defendant. “I repeat what I’ve maintained throughout this trial and which I’ve proved scientifically and philosophically. I have no free will, so it would be morally wrong to send me to prison for stealing that jewel. The theft was configured to happen before I was even born, and when the time came, I could only watch helplessly as my body went through the motions of carrying it out. I – and by I, I refer to my subjective transcendent self – am blameless, and so should not be punished by being sent, together with my physical body, to prison.”
“You’ve made your argument well,” said the judge, “and I daresay that everyone in the chamber is now sold on the idea that free will is an illusion.”
The defendant, the jewel thief, smirked.
“However,” said the judge, leaning forward, “you are not unique, for everyone else in the world – including myself – is also bereft of free will. Hence, this trial was configured to happen before you or I were born, and now that the time has come, I can only watch helplessly as my body goes through the motions of sending you to prison for five years.”
Despair spread over the defendant’s face, as the judge, with a smirk of his own, banged the gavel and passed sentence.
